Have you ever been involved in something with people so much more experienced and skilled then you, but deep down still think you have a chance to succeed? Welcome to my life..
I saw a shoobie at wawa.. someone please wash my eyes out quickly, disinfect me, I feel dirty!!!
I had just written a really angry post before this one, one with a lot of curses, and realistic sense to it. But it got deleted, why? I don’t know. But fuck it, I’ll just say it all over again.
I tore all my fucking posters down, I told myself to stop being a little fucking kid and grow up from childish dreams that hold no backbone. I wasn’t on my way to being a professional surfer, I wasn’t even on my way to being one of their caddies. I wasn’t winning competitions, I wasn’t turning heads. I fucking blow dick even compared to local New Jersey pros.
Yeah I tried to talk to my parents, my mom just made it about her. She tried to say some shit like… “Oh well who knows you could teach surfing one day.” Yeah, thats what I wanna fuckin do. I wanna teach people how to surf. Fuck competiting, fuck going pro, fuck my dreams, I wanna teach people how to surf. That’s how you really know you made it in life.
And to all you people who surf and believe in localism. Come fucking fight me right now, I will beat the fucking piss out of you. Your the biggest pussies in the world, start accepting all kinds of people and stop acting like you own shit because you don’t. You were a blowjob gone wrong.
So fuck it I’m over it. And fuck this feeling I have inside me telling me to keep going. Don’t you fucking get it? It’s over with, there was nothing there in the start. It wasn’t like I was on some path to becoming a pro, it wasn’t like I had some incredible talent that no one else in the water does. So why do I feel like that? I don’t know, maybe its because my dead brother surfed. Who the fuck knows, who the fuck gives a shit.
I have economics to study. Yeah I’ll fuck around with surfing as a hobby, but as a dream? … AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAAAATTTT.